When someone you trust, lets you down.
I admire and am inspired by many women.
There are a plethora of women that I trust and think incredible.
However, this is a very personal account of how my relationship changed with one woman.
The thing is with online mentors, is that as a client of theirs, you build up a level of trust and confidence in them, often without ever having met them.
There is one particular woman I have followed for many years, read her blogs, done her webinars, signed up to her programs and my life has changed immensely. The work is true and the self help and self development is wonderful. Her programs have worked and I am living a fuller, more abundant life because of them.
During this past week we were on a call together making movement and talking about what my nest steps were going to be, however her prime goal of the call was to sign me onto a further more developed version of the past program. I'll be honest, I was interested and, had the money been right, I would have gone for it, but this was not the time.
Her 'closing' technique was that I was to be either 'interested' in self development or 'committed' to self development. Which one was I?
To her, 'interested' meant that you may or may not want to grow as a woman. 'committed' meant exactly that. You were committed to self growth.
How unrealistic and bullish!! I am absolutely committed to self development and growth. Not just of myself but also my students and those around me, however due to my not wanting to do this program at this time, in her eyes, I was only interested.
Here is the really sad part.
Because I admire her so and 'want her to like me' I agreed with her that I was only interested in this personal growth and therefore may or may not change things!!! I cried and felt shitty when I came off of the call.
I realised that I don't know her at all, and she doesn't know me, I am just a possible paying customer. She is a successful business woman and I must keep that in perspective.
I didn't feel angry over the following days, just sad.
Sad that I wanted to be liked by her rather than speak my truth, speak up and defend my decision.
I have never liked confrontation, it makes me feel hot and a fire in my chest. I so often agree with people to avoid an argument.
I worry that i will not be able to express myself properly with words or worse cry!!
However, my true realisation is this - I realise that this is the growth I need.
The take away from this situation was that I know my growth and real area of development is not to blindly please other people, whilst getting myself into debt, but to actually SEE things clearly, be honest to myself and freely express my gut feeling.
I am awakened by her call - perhaps she is actually a better coach than even she realises!!
Because through having this conversation with her and feeling hurt, I am actually stronger than I have ever been and clearer on my desires than I have ever been!!
Wow! And it didn't cost me a penny.
Your greatest coach & mentor is your gut.
What has been your experience with online coaches & mentors?